Brand new year, brand new you, right? Wrong! Ok, so you could be an exemplary, Bikram Yoga-ing, carb-banishing Goddess of all things disciplined; a regular Wendy Willpower – but chances are that like me, you’ve grown tired of the New Year Detox (which dreadful cretin invented this? Off with their wholesome, shiny haired head!) This would be fine, if it wasn’t only the 19th of January. Gah. Falling off the wagon is all too easy, which is why us marvellous dealcheckers have come up with just the thing to get you back on said wagon of hell. Here is our guide to health regimes around the world – they are more or less guaranteed to make that water/carrot diet look like a bath of Big Macs. Three cheers for health! (Convinced? Me neither.)
Forget Oil of Olay, the Chileans think that nothing beats a scrummy dollop of sail secretion. Mmmm. Something in the snails slimey goo is apparently kryptonite to the harmful effects of pollution and ultraviolet radiation. Not convinced.
For £40 at the Ada Barak Spa in Israel you can pay for the dubious pleasure of having a variety of snakes caress your naked body – all in the name of ‘relaxation.’ The phrase ‘I can’t think of anything worse’ is bandied about quite a bit these days, but in this case – I really cannot think of anything worse than having live snakes crawling about my person – and paying actual money for it!
Tiny fish are placed into a bowl of warm water – your feet are duly placed into it, and the magic begins. The fish are suppposed to treat dry skin by nibbling away at it – this technique has been used to treat dry skin conditions like psoriasis. Kind of satisfying….kind of gross.
Even the celebs are getting involved in this one – Demi Moore is apparently a big fan. Originating in Austria, this technique sees about ten leeches being placed directly onto the skin, apparently sucking out toxins in the process and promoting healthy insides. Again…Mmmm.
Big cities America over are jumping on the salt-room bandwagon. Sometimes called halotheraphy champers, the walls and ceilings of a small room are salt-coated, and grains are often scattered a few inches deep on the floor. The experience is designed to imitate allegedly theraputic salt caves. Salt room owners say salt can help skin conditions such as psoriasis and eczema and various respiratory ailments, including colds, asthma, allergies and bronchitis.
Nightingale droppings are apparently the new bull semen. Yep, there’s a new bull semen, and it’s just sexy sounding (bull semen, FYI, is used to help treat dry hair). Nightingale dropping facials are all the rage in Japan. They are supposed to remove dead skin – we’re not entirely sure how but our Japanense beauty correspondant reassures us that theyare quite the treat.*
*Unfortunately we don’t really have a Japanese beauty correspondant. Gutted.