Things You’ll Only Understand If You’ve Been to Benidorm

Post Thumbnail

“Where are you going for your holiday this year?” you’re asked. You lift your chin up with pride and utter those three syllables that you hold in a special place in your heart: “Ben-i-dorm.” Smarmy Nick who’s off on a four-month salmon fishing trip to Yemen chortles, “Benidorm?! Are you having a laugh, mate?” You take out your factor 50, put on your sunglasses and reply “Yeah, ‘mate’. Benidorm” and ride off into the sunset to the place where dreams are made of. To the place where only you and the people there will understand what’s below.

Everyone rushing to get on the plane even though it has allocated seating


Not quite having the ‘magic show’ you expected at a night with Sticky Vicky

Mary Berry

Mobility scooters. Mobility scooters everywhere.

raccoon scooter

The gay district and the fabulous drag queens, like The Rich B****

RuPaul's Drag Race S8 season 8 rupauls drag race rupaul 08x05

Going to John and Joseph’s at 5am for a Full English after a night on the toon

Telling everyone back in £4-a-pint England how you had bottles of wine for 50p


When queueing in Beni, there is no queuing. It’s every man for himself.

Lion King

Brits complaining that it’s too hot when it gets above 15°C

Brad Pitt

Falling in love with its high-rises, and realising they’re just as integral to the place as ice is to Iceland


Everyone telling you adamantly that it’s ‘not just Birmingham with a beach’


Knowing it doesn’t deserve the bad rep it gets because you’ve actually been there, and it’s great.

dog summer beach surfing uggie