From Tiger King to TikTok and banana bread to sourdough, lockdown has encouraged some strange and unpredictable coping methods. We’ve noticed some common characters develop, see if you recognise any of them…
The Perpetual Partiers
This is the house that you want to be stuck in, because they have the most fun – pandemic or no pandemic. They ordered an inflatable paddling pool on the first day that they had to work from home, so they could record slo-mo mermaid hair flicks. It only took them a day and a smidgeon of passive aggressive encouragement – ‘haha, babe don’t worry, it looks so much more ironic if you press record too late’.
One carefully curated corner of their flat is dressed up in a different theme every other night, with cocktails to match and sequins to boot. This is called ‘dressing up for yourself’, but by the time they’ve perfected their #stayhome selfies, the tacos have gone cold and the frozen margs have melted. There might be a pandemic but you know what, they’re living their best lives – on Instagram, anyway.
The Hermit Heroes
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They’ve already rewatched The Sopranos for the fifth time. Tiger King? Watched that before lockdown even started, mate. They repost memes about how their life hasn’t changed since lockdown (‘when you find out your normal daily lifestyle is called quarantine lol’), but they feel an unsettling sadness when they realise that most people who post them are being ironic.
They wait until a housemate/family member/neighbour offers to buy them groceries before placing an essential order: ‘orange juice, toilet roll, those mini flapjack things, ice cream and seven bottles of white wine plz x’. They were thinking about watching Gangs of London next, but in a week or so the last month will have blurred enough to go back to the old faithful. Capiche?
The Cliches
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They host a Zoom quiz every Wednesday with their uni friends, and another one on a Friday with just the huns/banter boys. They did the 5K run challenge twice because two of their gym buddies nominated them and well, it’s pretty much a warm up for their daily yoga and weights routine anyway.
The extra bananas they bought last week are almost brown enough to make another banana bread, which they’ll leave out for their housemates with a little post-it note, which might include an inspirational quote. When their Zoom call is over and there’s only wine for company, they’ll devour three slices while spilling crumbs – and tears – all down their brand new athleisure. They like the TikToks where you speak over a funny recording because it means they can spend hours getting ready in their ‘comfies’, then look effortlessly hot while also pretending they don’t take themselves too seriously – ‘can’t believe I did this but…’.
The Couple
When it’s day 18 of quarantine and your husband is breathing a little too loud pic.twitter.com/LIMbjzNTm0
— Claudia Oshry (@girlwithnojob) April 2, 2020
They say goodbye to each other when one of them leaves a room for more than ten minutes and insist on cooking and eating every meal together, while managing to dominate most of the house. They feel ‘so much more close’ now that they’ve spent every waking minute together, and can’t imagine how they’ll cope when lockdown ends. They even work out together at least three times a week – she finds she can run/pedal/punch so much harder when he tells her how well she’s doing.
They love being able to see each other even when they’re working, but he’s secretly looking forward to not having to hear her outrageously loud keyboard tapping. She only types harder at home to drown out his embarrassing business jargon – ‘let’s place that in the thought fridge’ – said in his embarrassing (and loud) business voice. Ahhh… unconditional love.
In all seriousness…
However you’re coping with lockdown, we salute you. Keep on keeping on!
